One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize