Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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