I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
