She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
