just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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