I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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