shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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