I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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