Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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