Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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