hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
