I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize