Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
