Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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