I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
