No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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