i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
