Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
