I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
