yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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