You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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