U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize