imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
a search helicopter?!
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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