it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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