Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
