I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
