Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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