Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize