Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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