You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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