I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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