His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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