they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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