Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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