Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
