I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
