mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
