Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
