My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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