You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Randomize
