I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
