I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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