so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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