I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
