Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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