yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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