Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
