i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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