he thought i was a dude.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
