I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
