i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
