do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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