So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
