There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
