Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
