so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
