Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
