u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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