Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
