Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize