mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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