U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
