Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
