i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
