just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
