I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
