We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
