when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
