i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
