Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
