Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
accomplished twins. life is a go
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
