saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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