Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
