I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
