too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
