His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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